“The magazines trick the women, the magazines start picking with your self esteem. Every page you turn you start feeling fatter and uglier and you feel like your clothes aren’t good enough. And the magazines have you forgetting how fucking beautiful you are and you forget how beautiful you are and we all suffer.”
Dave Chapelle, Killing Them Softly
I was speaking to a girlfriend of mine earlier today and she was lamenting about the fact that she’ll be 34 in a weeks time. She was depressed because she’s not married and hasn’t started a family yet. I had to remind her that she’s a beautiful, educated black woman (looking like she’s still in her 20s) and that the one she’s destined for just hasn’t found her yet. Personally I’m not one of those women that believes in what the media and society says what I should and shouldn’t do. That I should get married by the time I’m 30 and have my first child before I’m 35. My philosophy is that there is no time limit as to when a woman should get married and have children. We do it when it’s right for us and for some of us getting married and having children is not right so we choose not to do so.
For the longest time women were told that they were at a higher risk if they had children after the age of 35. Now there are more and more women in their 30s and 40s having children, whether it’s through natural child birth or adoption. Women stress unnecessarily when it comes to the issue of marriage and bearing children. We feel we have somehow failed if we aren’t married and popped out a few children before the age of 40 and it doesn’t help when you have family questioning as to why you haven’t either. Don’t get me wrong, I know that family loves and only wants the best for you but it doesn’t help matters when you’re being interrogated at every family gathering. What may have worked for the elder women in your family may not work for you. Ladies, be still and figure out what is right for you and don’t let the pressure of what anyone else says sway you.